GATHER THE EXTENDED FAMILY, IT'S TINA('S) COUSINS

Not only is Gretel coming back to Australian TV in ONE SLEEP (and already people are being rude about her! Just STOP it and get behind her, can't you? Why just this very morning our hairdresser was shrieking "I can't stand that woman! Sorry, but I can't!" Can you imagine! Then she started in on Kylie. We nearly had to walk out. But she does such a good job with quite a complicated cut, so we're really a bit stuck. Acknowledging our lack of common ground in this respect, we then made do conversationally by chatting about Schapelle Corby and how "at least she's making an effort with her appearance", which we both agreed, "unlike that horrendous bushpig from out of the Bali Nine.") But you'll never guess, unless you read the title of this post, who is to return RATHER SOON! Why, it's that wonderfully hopeless late 1990s British songstress Tina('s) Cousins!



OH YES INDEED. Tina Cousins. Remember her? Some faggy dance pop that we used to quite like? Something involving that dickhead Sash? Well, she hilariously appears to be concentrating the promotion for her new single in Australia! IN BRISBANE, of all places. (For example, the only place the new single may currently be purchased, according to her official site, is HMV in Brisbane – ie, you can’t order it online - you have to EMAIL them and ask for it. We were under the impression that HMV Australia didn’t respond to emails, but there you go. And she apparently did a PA in March this year at the Brisbane Big Gay Day alongside Ricki-Lee Coulter.) So we don’t quite understand that strategy, but what we’d like to say is that Tina is about to unleash the very best song of her bizarre career. Name of “Wonderful Life”, it’s a cover of a song by something called Black, from the olden days. It’s all over Limewire so don’t worry about emailing HMV Brisbane – just GET the thing, please can you. There’s a ballad version and a dance version, and we quite obviously are talking about the latter. The idea of someone wanting a “beautiful Tina Cousins ballad” is frankly too ludicrous for a blog like this to even entertain. (Not that it is bad – it’s just that at difficult pop times like these, you should always go for the dance version, where one is available.) Quite seriously, this is pop as it should always be done. A gorgeous, swirly tune, a Scandinavian-style ethereal-ish vocal, hands-in-the-air “aspects”, intense merriness countered by a quite morose undertone. GET THIS SONG! (Or you could also get her fabulous Ultravox cover “Hymn” that she seemed to release very quietly last year and that the lovely Edward O told us about in “no uncertain terms”. That, too, is amazing. But to be current and up with things, “Wonderful Life” is what we are FULL ON RECOMMENDING right now.) This is the shot in the arm that the Australian charts needs at the moment, and it probably will make number 86 for one week and disappear, but we must really do all we can with this! MUSTN’T WE.