LETTERS TO BEYONCE

We have just found out that our shouty political friend SjuSju is, incongruously enough, meeting Destiny's Child next Tuesday in Melbourne! And it has occurred to us that this would be an ideal opportunity to get a little missive directly to Beyonce. There really is a lot to say to that woman right now. We told SjuSju she should suggest that Beyonce ought really to be working with The Little Kim on one of Beyonce's three (THREE! KILL US NOW) albums she's banging out for next year, rather than with Usher. SjuSju was delighted and has provided the following marvellous, if faintly racist text for our appraisal:

"Girl! Get yo'sef together! Whatchoo dooin hangin wit dem nastie boys? Now you go see dat Miz Kim (ah KNOW she in jail - you jus go, put on yo hat an dress, and go visit hur) and ask if she can't sortchoo out wit someting a bit mo shiny. And don be so damn scare of Missy Elliot, she ain't gon' pull no trick on you, not less you ask her to...."

We quite like that.

In addition, we might do one of our own on some pretty notepaper saying:

Dear Beyonce,

Three albums in one year is rather ambitious, don't you think? Particularly when you appear to have trouble accumulating enough good songs to just fill the one (see for example, Dangerously In Love).

Further, please just be a generally better pop personnage and more delightful* etc for the gays.

Love, from Fop.

* Not, eg, in the style of Mariah Crazy. This is not exactly what we mean by delightful.


And one for her Mum:

Dear Tina Knowles,

Your designs are hideous!

Kind regards,
Fop.

Isn't this a great idea? We think these little notes will be completely well received. We'll do some more soon. Suggestions, clearly, are welcomed.