I was faced with a choice, at a difficult age. Would I write a book, or should I take to the stage

Tuesday, March 1


Viewers, did you know that this repeat Nikki Webster basher and generally unstable flibberdigibit appears to have been trying to set up HER OWN FAN CLUB? Well, it's true. Her official site reveals the following pertinent information:

1. Holly opened her own spastic fan club on 2 November 2004.
2. She suspended it for some reason on 6 January 2005.
3. She is now trying to set it up again, and squeals: "For anyone still waiting for a refund from the first time, there's a problem and we'd like to sought it out."

We'll "sought" YOU out in a minute, Holly, with a phone call to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (or the appropriate state/territory-based body)! Do NOT think they will not treat this as a serious consumer matter! What the HELL sort of operation are you running where you are taking the poor children's money for membership of your fanclub? How is it that you are not paying THEM?

And then, we pop over to her "Fan Club" bit of her site and we find this:

"Send a cheque or mail order payable to "Holly Brisley" to the value of AU$23.20"

We are serious now, when we shriek "WHAT. IS THIS. CRAP." Almost $25? For the following (which we KNOW from experience is basically commensurate with the tat offered by the Dannii Minogue and Sophie Monk fanclubs, quite rightly FOR FREE):

- Welcome letter from Holly
- Personalised Autographed Double-sided Photocard
- Latest news + pictures first in your Inbox
- Quarterly HB Magazine Newsletter
- Membership Card
- Official Wallpaper Downloads
- Access to signed Memorabilia
- Monthly Competitions

(We're particularly intrigued by the promise of "access to signed memorabilia" - would we need to make a booking to come and view the hallowed materials? Would security guards be present to ensure we didn't ruin it? Would a little museum be set up to house all the crap Holly Brisley has signed over the ignominious period she has been in the public eye? And are you NOT EVEN OFFERING UP A DANCE POP SINGLE? What the FUCK are you doing? This is the very least you could provide for that price.)

We're quite serious viewers, this is absolutely contemptible. Nikki Webster would NEVER have charged for fanclub membership. She has standards, Holly Brisley, you SHAMELESS, MONEY-GRUBBING LITTLE PIECE! This is not the end of this grubby little affair, mark our words. MARK THEM!


At 2:49 pm, Blogger Jellyfish said...

Okay, I'm so on this bandwagon. Am I allowed to post the banner to raise the profile of your cause?

Also, you know how you like to ironically employ the use of the 'royal we'? Well, if I told you that for ages I read this site and thought that there were a group of you writing it, like, a joint blog thingy... and it wasn't until Jess once mentioned you by name that I realised there was just one of you... would you think less of me?

At 2:59 pm, Blogger Fop said...

Well sure! The banner has Fop on it though - would you like one to be made for you? I believe this can be arranged if Crystal is still taking orders...

And we don't mind at all that you made a little mistake. It wasn't even a mistake - the use of the first person plural means there could be any number of people working at Fop Towers really! You simply never know.

Further, we are rarely/never ironic...

At 1:05 pm, Blogger Tuppence said...

I wonder what exactly your membership card does for you?
Discounts at the tanning salon?

At 4:19 pm, Anonymous Derek said...


At 7:27 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

SUCH a good investiagtion on this urgent issue, I was very eager to hear what kind of 'value' for money these poor innocents were going to be acquiring. Needless to say, looks like it was absolutely zero. Let's hope this is how many points Holly will receive next round as she oh so regrettably stumbles and lands on her nose. Poor thing.

At 12:01 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're all so fucked up! There's no harm in trying to make some money... you should feel ripped off if you buy any of nikki's clothing or merchandise brand.... it's the exact same thing. She's trying to make money outta of all her merchandising from posters to clothing to anything else with her mug on it... so stop being hypocrits you cock suckers.

At 6:21 pm, Anonymous free promotion said...

can't you afford $23? you cheap nikki fans....i guess you're used to buying nikki singles outta the $2 bin.


At 12:00 pm, Blogger Jess said...

Oh, we have the money, don't you worry. The real question is, would we bother spending $23 on Holly Brisley fan club membership.

And unless you're a sad wanker who spends his lonely days dreaming of spunking all over her perma-bronzed face, the answer to that would obviously be no.

At 4:18 pm, Anonymous Stevie G said...

God Holly Brisley fans are so fucking sad. Fop, you have my support!


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