OH NIKKI, WHAT A PITY, YOU CLEARLY DON'T UNDERSTAND

While Popjustice seems to have a knack for bandying around stories about popstars that eventually become true (but sometimes for different popstars than were in the original story), Fop seems to have a rather different skill whereby we report an actual rumour, hoping it comes true, when what actually comes true is something completely spastic, in relation to the person in question.

Take Nikki Webster. Really, TAKE HER. She has recorded, as we bellowed a time ago, an excellent, if Australian-produced, version of the wondrous A Teens non-single "Closer to Perfection", which would not only have made her a proper dance-popstar in Australia and possibly South-East Asia (rather than a widely reviled novelty act), but would have brought decent European pop back to the Australian charts. And what happens, viewers? She gets forced to put out a Greatest Hits, becomes even more of a Great Joke, and is dropped because of "events outside my control", as she stupidly put it in The Media. And most tragic of all, her A Teens track never sees the light of day.

And now, THIS TURN OF EVENTS:



Dancing With The Stars. With Sara-Marie*.

This is the WRONG APPROACH, Nikki. Though it might be quite good actually

Dannii Minogue provides career advice to the marginally promising Nikki: "Why not shovel half of Bolivia up your nostrils, then try to get yourself signed to a binny dance label like All Around The World and warble over an existing "club" hit? I really think that ought to do it."




* What on EARTH are you doing, Sara-Marie. When are you finally going to make the album we've been "so excited about"? And what happened to your job on Totally Wild?