SLINKEE MINX "SUMMER RAIN": A MISSED OPPORTUNITY FOR AUSTRALIAN POP

The CFB Goes Pop (Pop Investigation Unit) recently got stuck into Slinkee Minx's recent halfhearted attempt to rework "Summer Rain" by Belinda Carlisle (as well as providing a much-needed serve to each item in the Australian Top 10.) Ausculture also had a good crack a time ago, leading to many amusing idiots responding by dropping messages of unqualified support for Slinkee Minx (and unadulterated hate for Ausculture, including "You are a disgrace to Australia, its culture and its people.")

So it was really only a matter of time before Fop sauntered unhelpfully into the fray with our own ample "commentary" on the situation. To be honest, we were elated at the news that an Australian outfit had punched out an irreverent dance cover of a classic pop piece. We live for same, really. But we are unhappy to report that we're frankly horrified by the video that Slinkee Minx has turned out for "Summer Rain". Horrified. In fact, there are SO many things wrong with the execution of the entire "project". Let's evaluate it all:

THE VIDEO

* It's a tarted-up version of a crowd-pleasing tune from the olden days. But, there's NO DANCING, in the video - pointless, bum, or otherwise. What a waste of everyone's precious TIME.
* Instead, the widely reviled Minx spend the horrifyingly diverting video just draped over various items of furniture (we note too the use of velvet-look upholstery to denote "class" and "sophistication") in a hilarious "sensual" fashion.
* One particularly ebullient member of the Minx opts for a highly literal interpretation of the line "I remember looking in his eyes" (ie, she pointedly widens her eyes at the word "eyes". As if to say, "Do you understand what I mean? I'm physically demonstrating it for you; how can you NOT?" Said eye-opening is wider, surely, than the bounds of reason would allow) in a way which suggests acute abdominal discomfort and/or the recent ingestion of a lump of pure wasabi the size of a fresh Bartlett pear.
* The whole thing just looks kind of cheap, somehow. (Can you believe it?) Lifeless, languid and cheap. At least hard-working (and sadly missing-in-action) Joanne, who is a sort of precursor to The Minx, had the good sense to incorporate comedy dancing in the "Jackie" video, which everyone LOVED, we seem to recall.

This could have been a really good video. All it would have taken was dancers. DANCERS! Simple, you'd think, wouldn't you! Not even very many, as long as they all did the same dance at the same time. It's hardly an extravagant expectation. The Minx wouldn't even have had to learn the entire dance, as they could have simply stood in front of the dancers, miming the song, doing the occasional matching hand gesture or moving in the same direction as the dancers, to alert viewers to the fact that Slinkee Minx do indeed know the dance (even though they probably don't). As well as injecting some much needed life into the stodgy affair that is the "Summer Rain" video, adding dancers would have gone some way to casting The Minx as all-round entertainers in a jaunty singing/dancing Rhonda Burchmore mould (rather than the talentless, furniture-lying, eye-widening princesses of pointlessness that they come across as). A major disappointment.

THE SONG

Fop has a few expectations where a tarted-up-for-gays-on-poppers version of a familiar song is fashioned. These are simple:
* strip off all original instrumentation
* get one or more girls in to sing the song; there could possibly be some limited melodic inflexion that is different from the original, but EASY DOES IT
* bump up the tempo quite significantly
* insert a merry synth riff of similar proportions to a German storage facility in the mix

And there, you should have it!

The sad thing is that Slinkee Minx actually followed these instructions for track 2 on their cd single, the highly satisfying "Zander Radio Edit". However, The Minx, crass little fools that they are, released as the main "Radio Edit" a version which DOESN'T really follow the Fop Cover Version Roadmap to Success. In fact, it sounds almost identical to the original. Pointless. Wasteful. No wonder almost everyone HATES them. (Though it DID debut at number 5, so clearly we don't know what we're talking about.)

In summary, we don't hate Slinkee Minx. They have our in-principle support. We simply suggest they look to European popular dance-pop music for tips for their next single, rather than, eg, the musical preferences of suburban Melbourne.