FOP RANKS CATS IN POP
FOP: RANK CATS IN POP

Fop always likes to see a cat which has some kind of special "talent". In support of this wildly inaccurate proposition, we give you, ranked in order of our preference, the Cats of Pop.

1. Miss Kittin

A German cat. The interweb mystifyingly says that "Miss Kittin may have ingested more cocaine than most people ever even see in their tiny lives."

2. Cat Power

This is a cat with severe stage fright. She thinks nothing of slinking under pianos and staying there for 30 minute spells during shows that people have paid good money to SEE. "May I remind you once again," she recently miaowed snippily in her own flimsy defence, "that Performing Artists are people, too." Nice smooth white fur.

3. Boomkat

These cats are allegedly brother and sister. OR ARE THEY SECRETLY MARRIED. Who can, eg, say?

4. Felix da Housecat

This disgusting old housecat should really be put out to pasture. It's been clicking round the house on its ancient, arthritic joints for far too long and has provided nothing even vaguely novel to household members for years. It also has a parasite. It's cruel to keep it alive.

5. Catatonia

To be honest we initally overlooked Catatonia. However, it's a collective of cats that used to facilitate a lot of vaguely interesting but ultimately irritating wailing. One of them scratches.

6. Atomic Kitten

These cats were found eating from a rubbish bin in an alley somewhere in Northumberland. Some people thought it would be a lark to get them trussied up to entertain idiots, particularly during "the busy festive season". It sort of worked, then it didn't. As they were prone to perpetual impregnation and refused all desexing attempts, they have since been euthanased and we shall almost certainly never speak of them again.

7. Cat Empire (the)

Horrendous. Though apparently popular pets with eastern suburbs children.

If we were to cast our cat-net rather wider than just cats in pop, we could have also included, er, Mary-Kat(e) Olsen.



Mary-Kat: Sadly addicted to crack

There. You see? The cats of pop. They're ALL CRAP.