I was faced with a choice, at a difficult age. Would I write a book, or should I take to the stage

Monday, January 26

Here 'tis.

Most unsatisfactory, this absence from my usual regular bloggery. I am to do much better in future in future, just you watch! Anyway, inspired by the fact that Video Hits is to 'relaunch' on 31 January with an atrocious new format, I thought it might be nice to sort of relaunch the blog under the frankly adorable title of Fop. I find I'm writing more about pop than film quite often, and perhaps it's good to give myself a little bit more leeway, yes? Yes.

I'd like to query the state of the Australian Top 50. It troubles me to view this rollcall of shame. Apart from the 8 good and proper POP songs that appear therein, I cast the rest OUT. The 8 are:

Number 1: OUTKAST Hey Ya. Yes, yes, that's very good.
Number 3: KELIS Milkshake. The only reason people look at my blog seems to be due to google searches for "meaning of kelis milkshake". I suppose this sort of pleases me.
Number 23: BRITNEY/MADONNA Me Against The Music. Britney is at her nasal best in this; why does no one appear to like it?
Number 25: GIRLS ALOUD Jump. I imagine that one can't really go wrong with a cover of a Pointer Sisters song.
Number 26. DUTCH FT CRYSTAL WATERS My Time. Now THIS is what the chart should be all about. Pop perfection, in every measure. HOW is this not number one. "Administrative error", I'm assuming.
Lord I love Waters, Crystal (Ms)! I like that you can never understand a flipping word that she sings and that she's always so low in the "mix". To make way, you see, for the pop. And what a history she has!
* Gypsy Woman! La da di, la da DA!
* 100% Pure Love! Specially the middle bit ("You'll never have to run away! You'll always have a friend to play! Maybe you can find, a! Ho-o-o-o-MAH. H-o-o-o-o-MAH.")
* And so forth!
Finally, "My Time" has a video which is rather circa 1992. Yes!
Number 37: MISSY ELLIOTT Pass That Dutch. Missy, if you're going to be SO difficult about copy control, ie putting it on all your albums, I'd respectfully suggest that you try a bit harder with your CD packaging. In particular, I'd like less lord-praising and more SONGWORDS. I cannot be continually printing them off the interweb, cutting them out and putting them inside the CD cover myself.
Number 41: JEWEL Stand. Oh Jewel. You're pop. Thank heavens.
Number 47: JET Are You Gonna Be My Girl. Just kidding. Jet, I think, are the most revolting Australian act of recent times, and that is including Candice Alley.


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