I was faced with a choice, at a difficult age. Would I write a book, or should I take to the stage

Monday, December 8

Crazy Tori
being Filmica's irregular consideration of some of the more "unique" Amos poetry.

Exhibit A: Caught a Lite Sneeze

Tori: "The spire is hot, and my cells can't feed."
Filmica: Tori is here grappling with the limitations faced by her science project, which entails the age-old delight of culturing something in a petri dish. Barred from the familial home by an intractable parent, Tori is forced to conduct her cell biology study in the bosom of the church, which is the only welcoming milieu available to her. Unfortunately, though, she is sequestered in the spire of the church, so as not to disturb the parishioners, and the high temperatures there make it nigh on impossible to facilitate cell replication.

Tori: "I need a big loan, from the girl zone."
Filmica: Intensely committed to the implementation of Dworkin-esque feminist theory, Tori will not borrow from an institution that is run by men. Quite rightly, she opts for a women-only financial provider for her sizeable advance (sorely needed).

Tori: "Boys in their dresses, and you're not here."
Filmica: The ever-altruistic Tori cannot help but think of her friend Betty when she finds herself privy to the year-end edition of The Footy Show, in which Sam, Eddie et al will reliably wear a frock (though in a non-gay way, you understand, of course). Betty loves nothing more than chortling heartily at imbeciles in sub-par drag, but sadly is nowhere to be found when Tori calls Betty's home to let her know it's on the teev.


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