A STATEMENT FROM THE EMBATTLED JESS AUSCULTURE

Fop, as you know, is Will Baker to Jess Ausculture's Kylie. Therefore, it is our duty to give her all her best ideas and greatest jokes, help her appeal better to her true core fan bases of gays and children, and deliver the occasional press statement when our client is having a glamourous moment of crisis.

Therefore, in light of recent turgid events we shan't rehash, we bring you the following statement from Miz Culture.

All I wanted was to show that with inner strength and inner light, nothing is impossible. I'm just trying to give an image of a young confident woman. I’m so thankful to my fans. They keep me going. They inspire me. I do all I can to keep in close touch with the fans who support me--whether it be via my shows or on the Internet. The energy I get from them is extraordinary.

Move aside now, please and thankyou.

(The above may actually be an old quote from an entirely different Jessica that we located in the CFBgoespop archives. But still, the same sentiments, eg, apply.)